Saturday, December 17, 2016

Now, Where Did I Leave My Body Parts?

There is a common expression, and one I've used personally, that refers to the non-sensical issue of losing an item. It goes something like, "if my head wasn't attached I'd lose that too". Losing anything is frustrating as well as time consuming.

All too often we're in a hurry to get somewhere, or even finish a project. I'm a good one for leaving my tools in odd spots when I'm working in the outbuildings. Since my memory is so vague I spend more time retracing my steps trying to find where I left something than actually getting anything done. Now, if I also had to deal with keeping track of my various body parts along the way, I don't think I'd ever find myself in one piece again.

I can imagine looking for the tape measure and finding one of my ears hidden under a newspaper. Or looking for the hammer and realizing, "oh, that's where I left my toe!". It's one thing finding my coffee cup on a fence post, but to find a butt cheek flopped over the clothesline is another thing.

I've even misplaced a shoe before, but to find the foot I've been missing along with the shoe would really make me question my sanity. Although, much to my relief, I have looked in an old jacket only to find an item I thought was lost for good. But to find where I left my nose would feel like winning a jackpot.

And what about finding lost items on the road? Many of us drive cars so it would be much easier to find our missing body parts in our vehicles. But what about those of us who ride motorcycles? Heaven forbid if we're ever behind a motorcyclist who doesn't have their head on right.

I know I've lost my mind before but at the present time I'm 93% sure it's where I left it. But, naturally, that's not saying I won't lose it in the future along with a few other things. Makes me think that's why fanny packs were invented. Why else would they be used?

                                                                   Image result for nose clipart

Sunday, November 13, 2016

I Heard Someone Crying In The Night

I heard someone crying in the night.
How I had wondered of their plight.
If I'd not been so busy with my tomorrows,
Maybe I would have asked about their sorrows.

I heard someone crying in the night.
Sounded as though they'd been in a fight.
But I was too busy to offer a hand,
And wasn't quite sure if I would understand.

I heard someone crying in the night.
I'm sure by morning they will be all right.
Now I'm far too busy to stop and listen.
Doesn't matter to me what trouble they're in.

I heard someone crying in the night.
This time it's me and there's no one in sight.
Now I'm all alone with problems to share.
Is this my sad fate for failing to care?
                               - Jo Marie

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

These Ducks Go Into a Bar...

It all started one blissful day last year. My dad says to me, "I'm getting some ducks. Want some?"

Mike (in foreground) and Mrs Mike

"Where art thou, oh Blissful Ignorance?" moans the Idiot.

Experience replies, "She has left town, and I know not where she has ventured."

"Bring her back! Send her an urgent letter, or better yet, a text demanding her rapid return."

"Nope. Can't do it. She left no forwarding address as to her whereabouts."

(Sob). "But all I wanted was just a couple ducks. Not a lot. Just a couple. You know, for Cute's sake."

"You leave me out of this!" retorts Cute. "You know good and well I can only last so long. Mine is a temporary assignment. When I'm gone, you're left with...well, you know how it goes."

(Sob, sob). "EXPERIENCE! I demand you do something about all these DUCKS!" cries the Idiot.

"Oh, stop your bellyaching".

Just this year: 29 hatched and counting. (Sob).

Moral of the story: Never let ducks go into a bar.

Four hens left of the first six ducklings
Two hens and brood

The maiden voyage of the latest ducklings with two hens

Brooding hen #1

Brooding hen #2

"Hey! Get back in here and hatch out these last two eggs!"